my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i have two assholes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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