She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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