This is not my ceiling
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize