now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
