Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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