don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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