and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
