I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
