**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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