I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
