there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
