time to smoke my breakfast
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
