I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
