I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
