allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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