I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
