Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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