If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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