I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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