hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
