Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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