i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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