WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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