You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize