Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
