when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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