I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
