Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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