The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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