I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
