They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
