how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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