I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
