I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
