You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
