I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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