just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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