The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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