Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
