He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
