that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
