Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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