How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
