There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize