I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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