So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
