I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
