is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
