i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
