there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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