well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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