the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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