Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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