I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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