I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize