bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And then he peed in my hair
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