i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
