Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
