I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
