Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
