Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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