My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
