Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
