umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
