the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize