I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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