he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
