Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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