Don't EVER smell your tampon
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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