Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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