There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
