she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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