I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
