i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
