Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
