I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
