I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
