So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
