drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
