i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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