I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
