So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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