Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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