it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
