So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
