i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
