Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
