You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
