Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
