I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
