paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
