So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize