i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
