You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
