I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize