i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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