i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
