mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
