i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
