I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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