Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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