I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize