i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
