I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
