8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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