Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
