Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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