there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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