I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
