I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
