Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
