I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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