Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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