Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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