Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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